Four Fictional Books That Put Marriage in Perspective
honest romance
The world is filled with romance books, but which ones tell the truth?
Before I jump in, I have a bit of housekeeping. Since I started this Substack newsletter I have called it, The Courage Perspective. I feel like I write mostly about motherhood and books and I want a new name to reflect that. I am terrible at naming things, so, for now, I have changed the name of this publication to On Mothering and Books. This is until I can come up with something more creative to describe what I write about.
As always, thank you for reading.
Now to the books . . .
Meet-cutes.
First kisses.
Compliments and chocolates.
Smiles all the time and only little disagreements.
I used to believe that these were the things that marriages were made of. But after 11 years of marriage, I can assure you these are just a fraction of what marriage really is.
Marriage is leaving home.
Losing loved ones.
Climbing mountains to see the vistas you couldn’t imagine.
Pinching pennies.
Leaving friends behind.
Swimming with dolphins.
Losing your livelihood.
Sitting in hospital rooms waiting for “news.”
Crying in labor and delivery while birthing your children.
It’s pizza nights in front of Netflix and it’s also fancy restaurant dinners.
It’s underwhare with holes in them. Burying your dog. Standing at gravesides.
It’s church on Sunday mornings and another night you don’t know what to make for dinner.
There are thousands upon thousands of romance books, but most of the time I’m not a fan of romance. (This is lofty news coming from a “romance” author.) I don’t find most romance to be honest. Nor something I want to aspire to.
But there are four books in my years of reading that stand out. Four books that show marriage in an honest light, or books that are a roadmap pointing to what I want marriage to be.
Here they are . . .
What if you could look at your spouse as if the last ten years didn’t exist?
What Alice Forgot is about a woman who hits her head at the gym and then forgets the last ten years of her life. Her last memories are of being pregnant for her first child.
Imagine her surprise when she wakes up on the gym floor and slowly unravels her life only to discover she has three kids and she and her husband are in an ugly divorce.
I loved this book because it made me wonder what it would be like to shed ten years of built up hurts, insecurities, and crushed expectations and love my husband as if we’d only just married. What if we had more patience and grace for each other? What would loving someone with no built up grief and hurt look like? I won’t tell you the ending of What Alice Forgot, but I really enjoyed this book. It made me think deeply about my own relationship.
Could you love your spouse through mental illness that is killing them? Or would you walk away?
The Girls at 17 Swann Street is one of my favorite books. The story follows Anna, who has a life-threatening eating disorder. She is admitted to a treatment facility with other eating disorder patients at Swann Street.
This quote sums up her mental state . . .
“I was ambitious once. I was a dancer, a dreamer. I was loved, I was in love, I loved life. I once had books to read and places to see, babies I wanted to make. I want to want those again.
Because I think I want to live.”
In the middle of this realistic look at a girl fighting a mental illness, is a husband who loves her and is doing his best to love her at her worst.
This book may be one of the best love stories I have ever read. As Anna looks at her life, she sees her husband loving her along the way. She sees how he’s held her, supported her, and how he’s struggling with all of his heart to love her at her worst. This book makes me want to work through my own mental illness’s to be a better partner to my husband. It shows the raw and real pain of loving someone who is broken and trying to find a future together, however imperfect or hard it might be.
What if marriage modeled the way Christ loves us?
Redeeming Love is a Christian classic. Francine Rivers was an erotic romance author who found the love of God. Redeeming Love was her first attempt to write something for her her creator. It was her exploration into the love God has for her.
She used the book of Hosea in the Bible as her guide. What we are left with is a poignant story of a man who marries a prostitute named Angel. Angel doesn’t believe real love exists or that she is worthy of being loved by a “good” man. She leaves him and prostitutes herself again, but her husband comes to her rescue.
Redeeming Love is another one of my favorite books. It may not be one-hundred percent realistic, but it details the kind of love I want to give and receive. Jesus sacrificed himself, his body, his heart, for us. This book makes me wonder if I can not only receive a love reminiscent of that this side of heaven, but if I can also give that kind of love to my husband.
What if you fell out of love?
After I Do is about a couple who “falls out of love.” They decide to take a year off of marriage. The way life gets between them is honest and realistically painful. How is it possible to no longer feel “in love” with your spouse?
Honestly, I don’t remember as much about this book as the others, but I remember that I liked the premise. I did NOT like some of the choices the characters make while they are away from each other. (Cheating) But I liked how they fell back into love. (Obviously)
What about you? What is your favorite book that features marriage?